Life…

Life is awkward. Just throwing that out there. It’s weird feeling stuck in the middle of two worlds. I don’t know what to just let go of and what to try to hold on to. It’s hard to know what is true… I don’t know. Today I just don’t know.

Part of the Magic is in the Danger

This morning an agent’s assistant and myself drove around the Queen City handing out Red White and Blue jelly beans to corporate clients. Half of the work had to be done uptown. My thoughts on the matter, what fun! I get to spend the morning out of the office walking around uptown on a beautiful, not too hot, July day. However, the assistant I was to accompany was not so thrilled. She was four years my senior but acted like someone I needed to babysit… and had I been her babysitter I would have given her parents a very bad report. She did nothing but whine and complain… oh wait she also took frequent gulps from a conspicuous looking bottle when she thought I wasn’t looking. Fun times. Bonnie, the receptionist at my work, informed me this afternoon that running errands in heels is not kosher. I highly agree. Tonight I was home alone and heard a couple of random “KABOOMS” as I ate chicken and french-fries and watched Gilmore Girls season one. My neighbors were shooting off fireworks and I had a perfect view from my bedroom window. I pushed my bed up against the window and watched for about an hour. I will have fireworks at my wedding

Today

As I ate lunch on the back patio at work today I noticed a load of scout ants running around on the ground looking for food. I tossed down a chocolate animal cracker for them to snack on while I sat quietly and read One Day All Children. As I sat and read I found myself drawn to the actions of the ants. Not at all because the book didn’t capture my interest, on the contrary it is a swell book, one I would recommend to anyone. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the ants. It is often a very dangerous thing when I get concentrated on a certain subject, I tend to WAY over analyze everything. Anywho, I was watching the ants and wondering at what moment in time an ant knows it is an adult. It’s not like the queen sits down with a larva (larvi?) and says… “It’s time that you took on responsibilities and start hunting for food for the colony.” Ants don’t have graduations to tell them it is time to move on to the next stage in their lives. They don’t have birthdays to signify their place in society. One moment a baby ant is being fed by the nurse ants and then… when is that magical moment when the baby starts getting its own food? Fortunately I am not an ant, and I hope no ant ever gets smart and starts over analyzing life like I do. For an ant it is all instinct. Everything they do they just do because their bodies and circumstances tell them to do so. I don’t think they know why they do what they do, they just do it. Ants have it easy. They don’t have to make major life decisions. An ant can’t ponder the fact that maybe they wasted a year of their life studying the wrong subject at a university. Ants don’t hope and dream. So there can be no point in an ants life where it stops dreaming big and starts thinking practically. All the questions that I struggle with, the answers are simply instinct to an ant. No questions, no pondering, they just do what they do.